Stories to Inspire: The Blessings of Multiple Sclerosis
By Loretta Evans
Eighteen years ago, when I was first diagnosed with MS, I would never have thought there could ever be any good in having a potentially disabling disease. My five children ranged in age from 10 to three. I was feeling overwhelmed by the normal day-to-day tasks that needed to be done.
Looking back, I can see some very positive experiences that our family would never have had without my illness. When my symptoms first appeared, my doctor was looking for things like strokes and brain tumors. I was very much afraid that I would not have long to live. When the MS diagnosis came, I realized that I would probably live a normal life-span, but I wasn't sure how my health might change. Facing those kinds of insecurities made me realize what was really important in my life.
My family was far more important than worldly things like money and possessions. I especially wanted my children to have good memories. On days when I felt good, I didn't spend it cleaning. We would take a simple lunch to the park, or we would go to the library to pick out books to read together. I embroidered pillow cases for each child so that when they were married, they would have something tangible that I had made for them. I knew that memories were far more important than a perfect house.
Because I was unable to do everything I would have liked to do, the children learned to take responsibility early in life. When I was feeling really sick, my husband and my 10-year old cooked supper. My two pre-schoolers learned that they could have fun playing quietly with blocks and puzzles when I needed to rest.
As the children got older, they were able to take on things like mowing the lawn and caring for the vegetable garden. I won't pretend that everything went smoothly and we met every challenge. However, the thing that has impressed me the most has been my children's recognition to take on responsibility, because I couldn't always help.
I have learned to be patient with myself. Before my diagnosis, I felt that I had to be a perfect wife and mother. I believed that I needed to volunteer in the community and play a major role in my church. I have learned to limit my volunteer efforts to those causes I feel strongly about. Maybe I couldn't come into kindergarten once a week as an unpaid aid, but I could certainly make other worthwhile contributions. I could help judge a contest or make a poster. When I taught a Sunday School class in my church, I quickly realized that elaborate visual aids were not necessary. The important thing was the message, and I could still think, read, and talk.
Every time I try to do something, and I find that I just don't have the energy, I still get really frustrated. I am not superwoman. I still pray, "Lord, give me patience, and give it to me right now!" However, I have come to accept my limitations and creatively work within my parameters.
I have the most wonderful husband in the world. His support and care has meant so much to me. He is quick to notice when I start dropping things or when my eyes start to get a glassy look. He lets me rest and takes over whatever needs to be done. I hope that even without MS I would have appreciated what a wonderful man he is, but working through the bad times has really helped us to appreciate the good times.
In the same way that a child who gets overly tired becomes whiny and cranky, I have found that my MS fatigue is often accompanied by depression. On days when I feel ready to burst into tears over every little thing, I realize that the feelings of sadness are only the MS talking. I know that if I can just get enough rest and wait it out, I'll feel better.* By analyzing the things that bother me the most, I am able to zero in on problems that really needed to be solved. When I feel good again, I can then tackle the task, and this improves my outlook.
MS has even given me a new profession. I taught elementary school for six years before my oldest child was born. I had always planned to return to teaching, but I came to realize that I didn't have the energy.
I have always loved genealogy and family history. When the children were all in school, I spent long hours learning to put my family information on the computer. I could pace myself, and I never needed to keep going when my energy level was too low. In 1997 I passed the examination to become an Accredited Genealogist. I can now do family history research for other people. It is a perfect profession for me. Most of my business is done by mail or email. I can take on only the amount of work I have energy for. And I love helping other people learn more about their families. If I had been busy teaching school, I would have had very little time for my ancestors.
No one would ever ask for a chronic illness. MS can interfere with so many things that others take for granted. However, I can see that this disease has brought many positive things into my life and that of my family. I have learned to take each day one at a time. A normal day when nothing goes wrong is such a blessing. I would never have known it without MS.
Loretta kindly contributed this inspiring article to MSAA. Many thanks go to Loretta for her generosity.
* The symptoms of depression may not go away on their own. Anyone experiencing depression is advised to consult his or her physician.
Do You Have a Story to Share?
Readers interested in contributing articles for "Stories to Inspire" may send them to aborkowski@msaa.com (please include "Stories to Inspire" in subject line), or mail to: Andrea Borkowski, c/o MSAA, 706 Haddonfield Road, Cherry Hill, New Jersey 08002. Please include contact information and permission to print the article, which may be edited for space and content.
